Disillusioned

My Psychology text book was the first thing that said humans tend to be short-sighted when it comes to their relationships. That is, if you ask them how their relationships will progress they'll expect everything to be hunky-dory. Except it's never like that. I knew that. I didn't expect that every-in fact, any-relationship would be full of laughter. But I did expect that there would be some people in my life whom I could completely and wholly trust; so that I wouldn't have to consider every sentence in my head before uttering it, so that I wouldn't have to wonder whether they've got my back in any situation, so that I could trust them not to leave me hanging just when their being there mattered the most.

But just lately I've been getting this bitter dose of I-don't-know-what-it-is but some may call it reality. I've realized that ninety percent of the time people think only about themselves. And I've realized that you may have thought that there are some people who will never take you for granted no matter how much you open up to them but you thought wrong.

Am I being very bitter? Like, am I misconstruing reality? I really really hope I am.

Startled by Death

Don't you just hate it when someone in front of you is inching along just when you're in a hurry on the road? I hate it. So what do you do? Honk of course. Which is what we did at the truck that was going so slowly it looked like it would never gain enough momentum to round the bend. We honked our annoyance. But that was before we noticed what was slowly drifting along beside the truck. When I saw that i cannot describe to you the extent of my mortification and horror.

A small group of people were slowly walking along mumbling something that rose up sounding like a funereal humming. They were walking towards the graveyard carrying something that looked too much like a coffin for my comfort. And the back of the coffin was open revealing the head of a knotted white blanket. At first it looked like a 'paghri' (a turban) and then I realized I wasn't thinking clearly. It was the edge of the shroud which was all that the dead person was left wearing.

I don't want to sound preachy, nor did the emotions I felt at that moment have a lot to do with religion. I just want to pen down the extreme fright i felt. I was gripped with this fear of and for that petrified body being led down into the darkness.

Given that death can come to anybody at anytime, I guess everyone should be prepared to expect it when they least expect it or whatever. But I wasn't. Prepared that is. That is not to say that if I died tomorrow I would come back as a ghost with unfinished business because I don't have any unfinished business that is worldly. What I mean by prepared is, I'm not ready to greet whatever fate awaits me down that grim road. What's worse, after yesterday's encounter I've realized I don't even like coming face-to-face with the idea. I'm not just scared, I'm kind of in denial. I think it'll take a while for the gravity of the situation to properly sink into me. But even then I don't think I'll have any answer to this question: What should I do to prepare for death?